Because Donald Trump's team of crooks and pretenders does not know how to govern, Donald Trump's team is relaunching his campaign website. Like the candidate himself, it is melodramatic, vapid, and stubby. Let us count the crimes:

The main page features a military soldier, in uniform, saluting Trump. We here in America generally try to avoid such images. Among other good reasons: Soldiers aren't given a choice in whether they salute or not. For all we know, that poor Marine ran to the bathroom with dry heaves only moments after that photo was taken. For all we know, having to salute the guy who said he likes soldiers who don't get captured qualifies for hazard pay.

The only major section of the main page not asking you to hand over your money is devoted to large-print versions of Donald Trump's last four tweets. Because Donald Trump's last four tweets were a temper tantrum against the Senate's Russia investigation and against Sally Yates' testimony, that's what's featured. You would think that the campaign website for a supposedly successful and put-together national leader would have something more important to convey than the man's latest toilet-perched fit; you would be wrong.

A page devoted to Trump's "First 100 Days: The Truth Mainstream Media Refuses To Tell." Because everything that happens to Donald Trump, all the time, is because his cruel opponents The Media and Reality As We Know It are out to get him.

An “About” page that reads like it was written by a North Korean press shop. Donald J. Trump is the very definition of the American success story, we are told, in prose so grand that we imagine Trump must hire an orchestra to provide accompaniment every time he reads it to himself.

A shockingly sparse “News” page consisting of five items, three of them attacks on the press. America has already been made so great, you see, that corralling the out-of-control press consists of 60 percent of the remaining work to be done. They refused to air an ad calling themselves crooked; truly, such sins cannot stand. Also, the attacks on the press merit ALL-CAPS HEADLINES, whereas the Rebirth of Hope, Safety, And Opportunity does not. Which is odd, because you would think the rebirth of hope and safety would be sort of a big deal itself.

And so the man who will likely leave the presidency long before the next election has been given a site as small and petty as he is. Kudos; the site does a fine job of conveying the shallowness and mean-spirited paranoia of the man.

What the site does not adequately convey, however, is just how much of a petty piece of crap Donald J. Trump is. No worries: His team is on that as well.