Washington hostesses are all aflutter today as they vie with one another for the august honor of being the first to throw a bash for Sarah Palin, just named as the First Ambassador to Nambia, of any gender.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump on Friday capped a busy week of diplomatic activity by naming the former Alaska governor Sarah Palin the United States Ambassador to Nambia.
By naming Palin to this diplomatic post, the United States has become the first nation in the world to formally recognize Nambia’s existence.
In a joint appearance with Trump at the White House, Palin acknowledged that she “didn’t know a lot about Nambia” but said that she was looking forward to receiving a comprehensive briefing on the nation’s history, culture, and customs from the Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.
“Then it’s Nambia, here I come!” Palin exclaimed.
In a sign that Palin’s appointment was a popular move, a new poll shows that an overwhelming majority of Americans support her permanent relocation to Nambia.
“Yes, I will be relocating to Nambia very soon. Betsy says that they wear rings on their toes and eat fruitfly ice cream and I’ve never done that. It sounds so exciting. But to tell you the truth, this is my second choice of an ambassadorship. I was really hoping to get assigned to Nibiru. Donald spoke with their charge d’affaires, the Third Least Wuge, about me coming up for a visit at least. The Wuge said he would undergo soovlaffi before having me on his world. So once he gets settled, maybe Ann Coulter can take my place and I’ll go to Nibiru and look at Saturn from my back yard.”
A cultural attache revealed that soovlaffi is a form of slow torture, where the victim is staked out in the desert under a broiling sun and sentient vines encircle their prey and squirt poisonous liquid. It was outlawed seventeen millenia ago. Since their approach to earth the Nibiruns have decided to attempt a controlled explosion at one of their poles, hoping to knock Nibiru out of its current orbit and move it as far as possible away from Washington, D.C.