Nuke North Korea President Schlump? Maybe not so much.

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Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff / Flickr 170308 D SW162 1232...
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff / Flickr

“The North Koreans had best not test us, or we will respond with fire and fury such as the world has never seen.” Nice going, way to scare the shit out of everybody. And thatwas not just some random bluster, spouting out of the hole in the top of The Tiny Thumbs Diktators empty head. As you watched him sitting there, a Mussolini frown on his face,arms crossed imperiously like your principal when you got caught farting in class, you could see him glance doen to a page or index card, this was a prepared remark. Like we didn’t already haveenough to worry about, with him eliminating the ozone, raping the environment, creating a plague by eliminating healthcare, and ordering the installation of a pitch-n-putt course on the south lawn ofthe White House, now we have to worry about mushroom clouds sprouting up like we’re in the enchanted forest?

We always knew that this was a legitimate threat.Ever since November 9th, people have fretted about the possibility of having an unstable sociopath holding the launch codes, and being followed to thebathroom with “the football.” Our only hope was in a bunch of guys with start pinned to their shoulders, and a whiff of sanity. Well, siddown, and take a deep breath, use a paper bag if necessary. Itseems that we may have found one of them. According to an article in The Daily Beast:

Air Force Gen. John Hyten, the commander of U.S. Strategic Command, said on Saturday that he would resist an “illegal” order from President Trump to launch a nuclear attack. “I provide advice to the president, he will tell me what to do. And if it’s illegal, guess what’s going to happen? I’m going to say, ‘Mr. President, that’s illegal,’”

Wait a minute. We all know the generals. We know General John Kelly, General HR McMaster, General Jim Mattis. Who the hell is this guy? Turns out that General John Hyten, as the commander of USStrategic Command is the guy who controls the nukes. And by the sond of it, he is not a big fan of the “I vas chust followink orders” school of command decision making. 

Now the $64,000 question is what exactly constitutes an “illegal order?” Let’s look at context. Back in 1945, we dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Why suffer grievous losses on the battlefield when you can, in one or two fell swoops, bomb your opponent back to the stone age? It changed the paradigm of war. China and Russia developed their own to keep us at bay. Now, ahandful of other nations have a few, but the big three, the US, China and Russia pretty have a lock on the global annihilation game.

But there’s an important word that is universally used to describe nuclear weapons, they are called the ultimate “deterrent.” China and Russia built them specifically to keep us from using them onthem. Iran wanted one to counter the fact that Israel is reputed to have them. Even Kim Dung Pill over in North Korea only wants them to counter us being able to use them on them with impunity. Hemay be as crazy as a shithouse rat, but even he is careful to state that they would only be used in the case of lethal aggression by the United States/ The problem is that nobody with 12 functioningbrain cells believes him

Oddly enough, that’s eactly the same problem that everybody has with our Barney the Dinosaur in a $3,000 suit. Not many people believe that North Korea can drop ICBM’s down onus like a spring shower. Japan, yes, South Korea, certainly, but the US? North Korea has not shown that it can deliver an ICBM with any kind of finite accuracy to a pinpoint location. This is whytheir empty payload tests are worrisome whenthey go over Japan. It was only in the last year that North Korea’s launch success rate topped 60%. The big worry is that one of their test launches wouldmalfunction and drop down on Japanese territiry, which would be an unprovoked act of aggression.

But the simple fact of the matter is that nuclear weapons are universally seen and accepted as weapons of national defense, not as offensive weapons. And I believe that thisprinciple would form the basis for General Hyten’s decision on what constitutes an illegal order. Shoulf North Korea lob a nuke on Guam, all bets are off. But should the North accidentally have amalfunctioning test missile land on Japan, or the US simply confirm that NorthKorea actually has both a payload and a reliable delivery vehicle? Even if the Fay Glo numbnuts gave a nuclear launchorder, as long as it could be deemed to be an offensive order, a disproportunate response to the original aggression, it would constitute an illegal order. The important thing all thinking minds haveto remember is that we only get one shot at this.’



A note from the author: If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy my books, including the brand new President Evil II: A Clodwork Orange:


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