Please Send Knee Pads: Lapdog Pence Gives Boot-Licking A Bad Name, and We Are All Doomed

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The White House / YouTube President Trump Holds a Cabinet Meeting...
The White House / YouTube

Damn. Because passage of the GOP’s middle-of-the-night, God-awful, tax-scamming kickoff to a class war wasn’t enough travesty for one week, Dear Leader and his unholy sycophants gathered Wednesday for a cabinet meeting – aka ritual genuflection to ass-kissing, hollow flattery, ignorance and greed – to celebrate the success of their criminal endeavor.  First, the Narcissist-In-Chief blathered, gloated and lied. Then he asked the so-called Secretary of Housing and Urban Development for a prayer of thanks – or, as Wonkette put it, “Ben Carson Says Grace Before Mike Pence Eats Trump’s Ass.” Carson thanked…we guess God, though we suspect she’s just not that into them, for the president and his unholy cult “willing to face the winds of controversy in order to provide a better future for those who come behind us (so) we can fight the corrosive debt that has been destroying our future” – and which, he declined to mention, will now grow by over a trillion dollars.

Then, as Cheeto Bully sat weirdly hunched and scowling, Mike “Lapdog” Pence got down on his vestal, boot-licking knees and said, THANK YOU OH THANK YOU DEAR ONE DID I SAY THANK YOU YET? Or more specifically/sickeningly, “I’m deeply humbled, as your Vice President, to be able to be here. Because of your leadership…the forgotten men and women of America are forgotten no more. And we are Making America Great Again.” They are also, clearly, Making America Gag Again: On Twitter, the most common response to the pageant of debasement was a vomiting GIF. Others: “This is sick…What country is this?… Someone wants a pardon…Listening to Pence talk to Trump at these cabinet meetings is like watching a documentary on prison bitches….This is not America.” As to those “forgotten men and women of America,” a note: We’re restraining our gagging long enough to document this dispiriting spectacle in hopes it represents a low point from which we will rise. We are now in the darkest day of the year. There is nowhere to go but up, and brighter. We hope, nay yearn, that all those forgotten people – those 99% used, abused, victimized, disenfranchised by this vile cabal of clowns – will now take to the streets, with pitchforks. Please.


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